Last year, I remotely participated in ATK-Lohja. This year, I wanted to actually be present. However, I was barred from attending due to grievances I've time and again tried to reconcile, and hatred I've done all I know to placate. I've offered apologies for any offense; they say "time heals all wounds", well, that's not true in the case that the wound keeps getting picked on, as must be the case here, for without further input on my part, with time, the fires of hate have not died down, they've gotten stronger and more vicious and also been spread further afield. I've offered my bucket of water, that is, forgiveness, but it hasn't been accepted. I don't like to see people in the thrall of hate, anger, and vitriol, but I don't know how else to remedy these. Powder extinguisher? Seems forced. Of course, one shouldn't try to, and ultimately, can't, force forgiveness. Hey, have you ever noticed that the word for "patience, forbearance, forgiveness" is "kshanti", while the word for "peace" is shanti?
This is definitely the first demoparty I know of with an exclusionary, blacklist-enforced policy of admission. I was not given a chance to plead my case (so I'm doing it here); the say-so of a member of the "in-group" was enough for the ban to be levied unconditionally with no chance for appeal. Ah well, I'm not blaming the party organizers - in-group preference is a very strong, natural trait in human beings - this, combined with "acting on orders", and what we have is a quite understandable response. But, it's at least slightly bitter-tasting to receive this treatment from a party whose stated theme is "Koodia ja Empatiaa", that is, "Code and Empathy". Empathy! What more is there to say?
How pitiful beings are we! How small, how petty!
It is said in the canon:
"And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech.
Abandoning divisive speech he abstains from divisive speech. What he has heard here he does not tell there to break those people apart from these people here. What he has heard there he does not tell here to break these people apart from those people there. Thus reconciling those who have broken apart or cementing those who are united, he loves concord, delights in concord, enjoys concord, speaks things that create concord."
Here, divisive talebearing brought about a ban on my participation, while my own attempts at words of concord (such as admitting I am sorry, and begging for forgiveness) did not manage to set things right. A curiously selective power in words! By the way, not accepting a plea for forgiveness is one of the 18 root downfalls.
What wretched lives people lead! Incessantly pulling in the pleasant and pushing away the hated - in this case, me - even though this has never worked to create happiness since beginningless time. A wheel of suffering with no end in sight - may we all be swiftly released from this cycle!
I didn't want to enter these works remotely, as I figure I won't send my work where I'm not welcome myself, but I am releasing them here, just the same.
I would've taken part in two compos: AI Graphics, and the regular Graphics. Here is the AI image:
 |
| New Black Polished Chrome |
And here is the entry for the Graphics Compo:
 |
| Duality of Kamma |
I made it using vvvv, a photo I took, and Inkscape. Prints on Redbubble.
“Mendicants, I declare these four kinds of deeds, having realized them with my own insight. What four?- AN 4.233 Vitthārasutta: Deeds in Detail
- There are dark deeds with dark results;
- bright deeds with bright results;
- dark and bright deeds with dark and bright results; and
- neither dark nor bright deeds with neither dark nor bright results, which lead to the ending of deeds.
The story I made up after the fact is that, the three Buddhas are like the first three instances on this list, which are still stuck in black and white. There's a whole matrix of kamma (the background), strongly interconnected, and you may radiate as much "good" as you can and want (the halos), but that's still just "bright deeds with bright results", at best. However, there is the transcendent intentional action of the Arahants and maybe other actualized beings, which are "neither dark nor bright deeds with neither dark nor bright results, which lead to the ending of deeds".
The quartet of kamma types is a prime example of a Catuskoti, or Tetralemma. I find that often in Western thinking, the "both" and "neither" cases are left out, even where they would be possible. This is an unfortunate oversight stemming from too tight, Boolean logic. We need at least two bits, people!
As for the results of actions, I suppose I am currently facing mine, as we all must. But, I must point out what the Vipaka Sutta says:
"Divisive tale-bearing — when indulged in, developed, & pursued — is something that leads to hell, leads to rebirth as a common animal, leads to the realm of the hungry shades. The slightest of all the results coming from divisive tale-bearing is that, when one becomes a human being, it leads to the breaking of one's friendships.
It seems that these friendships have, indeed, been broken, and seemingly for good as there has been "no quarter given" in the way of apologizing or even accepting apologies, but may these people nonetheless be spared the other, harsh consequences of their actions! May this be my final word in the matter: clemency.
No comments:
Post a Comment